So normal people have a “bucket list,” right? I believe the concept is putting a list of a handful of things that you want to experience at some point before you kick-the-bucket and hang out with Jesus and Biggie and Tupac in Heaven.
The only things that ever really cross my mind are sexually related to-do’s. I mean, I see people jumping out of planes and swimming with dolphins and trekking up mountains, and I’m all more-power-to-ya. But for me, I’m probably always keeping a solid list of 5-7 things I’m keen on trying out with a future partner. Although, with the tremendous popularity of the 50 Shades of Grey story, I’m betting there has been a solid boost in the bondage supplies industry sales. wink, wink
The one positive component, the silver lining so to speak, of my unexpected divorce, has been a sexual rediscovery. There are multiple degrees of chemistry in a relationship – attraction, communication, lifestyle, and sexual. Looking back, I don’t believe my ex-husband and I were a good match in the bedroom. I had such limited experience to compare, I didn’t know any better, though, and I was so utterly in love with everything else about him and about us, it never felt as though it were lacking anything.
But when dating after the divorce, when I began to experience physical and sexual chemistry with others, it became apparent by comparison that I did have the opportunity to be more closely aligned sexually. It’s a lot of things – degree of libido, the unstated adoption of the roles of lead vs. passive (sometimes shifting), appetite for exploration, confidence with sexuality, among a lot of other factors, not easily detailed in a list. Some people naturally match up on these things. Some people are good with communicating about it, and will discuss how one person can adapt to meet the other’s differing needs. And some are on differing spectrums.
It’s exciting when I am dating someone with whom I feel very connected in this facet of the relationship. It holds the promise for a future of excitement, which for me, is just as critical as the promise for a future of loyalty, love, and companionship. I think therein, lies the core reason that I even have a “fucket” list --- the promise of things to experience with that very special person. I wouldn’t dream of opening myself up to a hookup stranger or a casual fling or a friend-with-benefits for these special and new experiences. I suppose it’s my version of virginity – I’m saving my naughtiest moments for that special once-in-a-lifetime guy.
There are some fun resources out there, I discovered with a quick online search, similar to this sample list at The Stir (and apparently there was a movie a while back, how did I miss that one?!). Do you have a fucket list, and if so, do you have any particular ones to share?
Photo source: goodreads